June Feature Writer!

This month's feature writing is by Jason Heuer.

On paper, Sebastian's life was good. He had all the things he ever wanted and some things he hadn't thought of wanting, but his heart wasn't made of paper with lists on it, it was made of doubt, it was made of feeling like an imposter.

Sebastian was always an artist. From early childhood he could only remember being an artist, and then one day he wasn’t.

Nothing had changed. Sure, he was working the second shift at a print factory in Poughkeepsie, but in his spare time he still made things. It was the 90s, so zines were mandatory, and also for him: poems, photographs, paintings, and sometimes posters for local bands. All mandatory. He couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stop. But still, he wasn’t an artist anymore, and he knew it.

There were more than 20 years of this, just doing it, even though he was a fraud. That kind of time built up to eventually prove him wrong. He had started, in this second part of life, to feel different. His practices had deepened, imperceptibly, over time. Somehow, without noticing he had become an artist again. His life on paper appeared, and his heart was able to see it now.

The story is inspired by the Nine of Cups.

Jason Heuer is a book cover designer and teacher living in The Rockaways in New York City. He holds a BFA in Advertising & Design from the School of Visual Arts (2005). Currently he is Principal at Jason Heuer LLC, a design and art studio, and teaches in the undergraduate program for Design and Advertising at SVA. Jason has recently become an artist.