Nine of Swords

This card indicates stress, worry, and anxiety-all of which may be keeping you up at night. You may be obsessing so much about your fears they may be coming true. It may be time to ask for help.

Five Chances at a Good Night's Sleep

11:15pm Right on schedule, the pressure on my bladder indicates the first pee of the night has arrived. I roll over onto my book; I must have fallen asleep reading again. I'm sure I've lost my place. On my way to the bathroom, I successfully resist the urge to look at my phone. I return to bed; thankfully, Jason is not snoring tonight, and I fall asleep quickly.

1:22am My left shoulder pain, a new development since I turned 41, wakes me up when I rest my body weight on it. Should I be concerned? It has been hurting for a couple of months now. Also, what is that weird hard bump on the back ofmy head? It's also on the left side. Are they related? I turn on my back and start the progressive deep muscle relaxation I constantly tell my patients to use. I know it works. You just have to commit to it. I tell myself not to think about all the problems with the left side of my body. Just breathe, tighten your toes, and release.

2:57am I don't remember which body part I fell asleep trying to tame, but now I am forced to contend with my unrelenting thirst. I grab my water and drink greedily, propped on one elbow, the weird angle making water dribble down the right side of my chin. Then I started to wonder why I was so thirsty. Did I drink too much Malbec last night? Is it allergies? It's always allergies, but is it allergies and something else? What if there is something really wrong with me? Maybe my liver isn't working right? I finish the water beside my bed, rest my head on my pillow, and start square breathing. I don't have to wake up until 6am. I can still get decent rest between now and then.

4:02am I can not believe I can't fall back asleep. My body is getting hotter by the minute, percolating with frustration. I lay on my stomach, then my back, on each side, and keep trying to breathe and stop worrying about whether my body is slowly expiring from all of the strange ailments I've noticed in the night. Around 3:34, my body anxiety stopped, and I started fretting that I had forgotten to buy that Christmas gift I had in my Paper Source cart for my mom. Did I buy it or not? I should check my bank account. Am I making enough? How can we save more?

5:07am I don't need to look at the clock to know it's past 5am, and I've been awake for over two hours. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and strap my Apple watch on. My eyes are bloodshot and aching from lack of sleep. I brew enough coffee to combat the hours I spent stewing in the tangled bramble of my brain, light a candle, and settle into the couch to do my morning meditation and begin another day.

Does this card inspire a story in you? If it does, I want to hear it!