Me and my Mother's Psychic Friend
What could it mean that my psychic reading keeps getting canceled? Every time Brigid texts that she can't meet, she says she has a headache. I'm beginning to believe it's because there is something she doesn't want to tell me. Of course, it could also be that she is 87 years old and has been unwell for the past few months, but my intuition is telling me it's something else, something to do with my contracted lower chakra or a polluted energy field.
My mom, Farah, has been talking to Brigid for 35 years. On her way to work at the private practice my mom and dad used to share all those years ago, she saw a shiny metal sign swinging from a post outside of an old purple Victorian house that said "Psychic Readings." She pulled our old beige station wagon into the large circular driveway, rang the bell, and asked the woman who answered the door if she had time to see her right now; she did.
That first reading solidified my mom's plans to divorce my father. Later readings would bring other news; that even though I was very ill when I was 12, I would recover, that even though my brother at 12 seemed ok, he was already struggling with addiction. Moves, deaths, and births would all be seen by Brigid and shared with my mom, who was now hooked on psychic readings for life. She didn't just stick with Brigid either. She got a reading in Sedona, Colorado, and I believe at least one in Maryland, where she lived for a time when I was in high school. But ultimately, she always returned to Brigid for her pressing questions about life.
My mom says I met Brigid a few times in my childhood, but I don't remember any of them. She claims Brigid said, 'I have a powerful intuition, and I should cultivate it; that I too could be a psychic one day.' I am not a psychic; I am a psychotherapist, just like my parents, still using intuition in a way, but not the way Brigid does. I often wondered how much influence my mom had on Brigid's thinking that I have the gift. She loves telling the story of when we sat in Friendly's in Storrs, and an old hippie walked in, stared dead into my 10-month-old eyes, and said, "Old soul man." According to her, I raised a tiny fist in solidarity and smiled. Or the time my mom had no childcare and had to take me with her to a new doctor when I was 6 years old, and upon meeting him, I yelled, "Take my mommy out of that computer!!" She says I felt there was something wrong in that office; it turned out there was, as that doctor was arrested later that year. How many times did she tell Brigid these stories, among others, where she saw something before we knew it to be true? Is that why Brigid decided I am intuitive?
Anyway, I haven't been feeling my intuitive power lately. I’m 3 years into what I believe to be peri-menopause (no doctor will confirm or deny, but the symptoms seem obviously connected to this) and the brain fog and fatigue are definitely jamming my usually clear signals and lines of communication. So when my mom offered to buy me my first psychic reading with Brigid, I was excited to accept. Of course, my mom got one for herself as well, and hers went off without a hitch 3 weeks ago. After 5 cancellations, I'm still waiting for mine.
Farah's reading was promising. She will travel, likely move in the next few years, and it ended with Brigid asking her to be friends beyond the psychic client relationship. Brigid explained she had been lonely since her husband died 5 years ago. Is this the cause of the avoidance of my session, a feeling of conflict of interest in wanting to be my mom's buddy versus being my psychic? I'm not sure I'll ever find out, as she has a headache again this week and had to cancel.
I do think her headaches are real, as are mine. I just had a migraine before a period that came a week early, again, and it was killer. It's not that I don't believe her. I am just curious if it has a greater cosmic meaning, like perhaps she should not give me a reading at all.
As I waited for my session to come to fruition, in July, worried that I wasn’t making the right moves with my book project, I enlisted the help of another type of psychic entity: an astrologer. I asked my friend Rachel, who reads tarot, if she knew anyone whom she trusted. She suggested Sonia, who offered a "one burning question" video reading for $75. That felt reasonable, so I went for it. One week later, I received an email with a video, an audio recording, and my birth chart, along with notes not only from Sonia but also a message that came through from beyond. It was reassuring. I am doing the right things. There are some challenges, but the good news is on the way. Honestly, that $75 kept me excited and in good spirits for weeks, until I received my first agent rejection and had a total meltdown.
Now on vacation, 3 agent ejections deep, I am seeking some solace not from outside sources but from within. I am halfway through Becoming an Empowered Empath, a book I started reading to shore up my boundaries as a therapist, but am actually finding compelling on many levels, including learning about my chakra wellness and healing my inner child. My journal is filling up with insights and meditation practices from the book to include with my already rigorous daily meditation and tarot practice. It feels like just what I have been looking for to complete my morning grounding rituals.
I do wonder if Brigid's headache will ever subside, and I will finally get my reading done. If my Empowered Empathy book work pays off in a more grounded life and greater self-worth, maybe I won't need it if she can't do it. Will I even want the reading when it is time for it to come to pass? By then, I may have healed myself, be living in a heightened intuitive state, and be able to read my own future. I'm not sure I want my mother's psychic friend all up in my aura anyway. Who knows what secrets she could find in my psyche and report back to her? I wonder if psychics have HIPAA rules like therapists? If I ever get to talk to Brigid, I sure hope so.
Writing Prompt:
Write about a time you encountered a psychic, tarot reader, or other mystic source and what you took away from the experience. Never had one? Write about a time your own intuition told you something that you felt you needed to heed.
Reading List:
Becoming an Empowered Empath by Wendy De Rosa
Intuitive Being by Jill Willard
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