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Revision Resistance
You know what really gets me going? Starting a BIG project. Ideating, creating lists, dreaming of what it could be, and methodically making it happen fills me with wild excitement. When Jason and I built the bookstore, I felt a surge of energy I had never experienced before, along with a laser-like focus that rarely occurs. I'm generally quite scattered. I sit down to read and, once I'm perfectly settled, immediately realize I need to pee. But on the way to the bathroom, I see a frame slightly out of place and stop to fix it. Then I remember I haven't put the laundry away. When I started writing again almost three years ago, the same zing went right through me. Now, as I put the finishing touches on a book-length manuscript to begin submitting it to publishers and agents, I'm experiencing a distinctly un-energizing feeling. It's one that's difficult to describe but contains elements of distraction, worry, and unease.
I open the google doc and stare at it. I have a list of next steps, but I'm having trouble taking any of them. I print the list in the hope that holding the paper in my hands will help me move along with things. It doesn't. I buy a binder to put the manuscript in, and it lies empty. I tell myself there's more to do on the computer document before printing. It's a waste of paper if I'm not in the final, final stage of reading all the way through and only making minor adjustments.
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